I dissent

(I posted this on Facebook on 9 Nov 2016. I publish it here to avoid the echo chamber that social media is.)

Many of you might have seen me go through the Kubler-Ross phases on my posts today. Usually, in these situations, I have a more nuanced position. But, as a father of three girls, it's difficult to see a balanced view.

Trump words and actions have definitively shown that he is dangerous to women. From name calling to boasting about molestation, this man drives fear and anguish in women. Its hard for me to believe that his affronts to women will or have stopped there. I would never let him into my home or near my wife or daughters. Some of my female colleagues stayed home from work today, literally due to physical sickness induced from the election result. The next President is exactly the kind of creep that they avoid, flee from, and unfortunately for too many, have been victimized by. A stomach churning sense of helplessness ensues from this realization. While Trump has other deleterious characteristics, these are unfathomable in respected members of our society, let alone our President.

The influence he has as a role model is the most dangerous to our society. Young boys and men will invariably mimic him. Young girls and women will then need to live with the harassment and repercussions. Sadly, this will change what is deemed acceptable by both.

Equally reprehensible are the innumerable well-intentioned people that look the other way. Many rationalize their support for him by decoupling his actions from policies in hopes for a brighter future, as if basic human decency towards half the electorate is not a prerequisite for a better America.

There have been calls for a peaceful transition of power from both a gracious Hillary Clinton and Obama, in the name of stable democracy. Others have said that it's time to stop protesting, start accepting, and look to the future -- to heal the polarizing division among our people. After all, he won fairly. I dissent.

It does not matter if he won by a slim margin or by a landslide. It does not matter that America's electoral college prefers him to Hillary. I can and have lived through the deep xenophobia and racism in this country -- I am an immigrant after all. I, however, tirelessly will protect my daughters and family. Therefore, I refuse to accept him and will relentlessly oppose his Presidency.


Yesterday, 16 April 2016, was the scariest day of my life. I saw my father have a stroke. It was a violent affair. Things moved quickly, it was hard to tell what was happening, and timelines were not linear. 

Our entire family was in South Lake Tahoe on a vacation to celebrate my father-in-law's 75th birthday. My parents were sleeping in the room next to ours on the bottom floor.
At about 7AM, my mother shouted for me while I was in the bathroom. After the third yell, I knew something was wrong, and I jumped out and ran over to my parents room. I found my father on the floor between the two beds, face down, convulsing. His right hand was pinned behind him as he was trying hard to push with his left to flip around. He didn't have the strength or motor control to do so. His head was bruised from the fall with two large burns on his right forehead.

I tugged to turn him around, but he was too heavy. He was trying to say something, but I was focused on flipping him. His words did not register. Somehow, I pulled him up by hugging him from behind and lifting. Someone else may have helped; I cannot remember. I turned him around and layed him down on some pillows.

At first, I thought it was a heart attack. His right side was paralyzed from face down. He was mumbling at best. I yelled to have someone call the paramedics. Nupur, my wife, did. My mother was hysterical. Maya, my daughter, was alert and helpful. All I could remember to do is give aspirin, so I asked for it, and I think Maya gave it to me -- even against the recommendation of the paramedics over the phone. My dad swallowed the pill and barely washed it down with water.

The paramedics arrived around 7:15AM, and I moved out of the way. I gave them the information they needed. They gathered as much as they could from observing my father. They carried him out on a carry cloth and onto the stretcher. They put him in the ambulance and I rode in front. The driver told me that it was a stroke.

Sitting in the ambulance, I was terrified. I was completely unprepared for my father to leave us now. My father is my hero. He is my superman. How could someone so calm, so sure, so strong, and so alive, now be so completely helpless? The week before, he had helped me move furniture. The day before, he enjoyed a full day with his family, grandkids and all. 

I called my sister and told her. I prayed.

We arrived at the hospital around 8AM. The driver had told me that because of the stroke's recent onset, they could provide a medicine to help, tPA. They took my father in, took a CAT scan, and settled him into a bed. The scan showed a clot in the left brain. The ER doctor observed him and asked me many questions. Most importantly, he was trying to assess wether to give him tPA.

It's a dangerous medicine. It could lead to a hemmorage further exacerbating the damage, especially if given too late after onset. If given early, however, it is supposed to improve recovery. I told him that I was almost certain that the stroke had just happened. The ER doctor was unconvinced and warned me of the failure (~ 1/10) and success (~ 1/10) statistics. He did not think the trade-off was worth it.

I did not protest. 

I got a sense that his position was largely to "cover his butt" rather than in the best interest of my father. He was looking for reasons to not administer the tPA. I could have pushed him harder. I could have convinced him to take the risk.

But, I was selfish. 

I thought that it was better for my father to be incapacitated and alive rather than dead. I wanted him around for me, not necessarily considering the life that he wanted to live. This decision may haunt me forever.

My father was airlifted by helicopter to a nearby hospital in Reno. It left South Lake Tahoe around 9:45 AM. The nearest hospital with a stroke center, the ER doctor believed that they might do more for him than he could. I got a call that they had admitted him around 10:30AM.

For some reason, my sense of urgency was suspended for a short time. My mother and I didn't get to the hospital in Reno until around 11:30AM. At that point, the stroke had already set in. The doctors in Reno had opted to not administer the tPA; it is unclear exactly why. Moreover, we found out that the clot was in one of the main arteries in the brain causing extensive damage. There was no possibility of surgery to save any tissue. He probably lost about 40% of his total overall gray matter, all concentrated in the left half of his brain.

My father is no longer the same. The regions that were affected controlled motor skills, speech and language, personality, reasoning, and more. He cannot talk or swallow. He cannot urinate. His motor control on the left side is limited, and nonexistent on the right. He is also not through the woods yet; the days immediately after a stroke are quite precarious with potential swelling, bleeding, and other complications. Nonetheless, he is alive.

Although my father has aged and changed over the years, right now, I know that I have lost the father that I once knew. My extended family has lost their beloved Doctor. We have lost the greatest orthopedic surgeon in DC. I have lost my safety net and original protector. This terrifies me.

It's going to be tough road ahead for all of us. Recovery will be tedious and many times disappointing work. The choices that were made give him the best chances to live. I am certain this is not the way he wanted to live -- he is alive for us, not for him. Still, this same certainty gives me hope that he will not settle for a life without independence. He will fight for it relentlessly. After all, he is my superman.

India 2010 vs. 2014

(I wrote this blog post last year, forgot to post it.)

Ever since we moved to the US from in 1980, my family and I have visited India every few years. The last 15 years I have noticed dramatic growth and changes in India.

Most recently, we went in late July / early August 2014 to meet family and attend my eldest daughter's performance at The Music Academy in Chennai. The last time we went was in July 2010. Since then, some things frustratingly remain the same, and some things show that we are at the cusp of dramatic change.

  1. Mumbai International Airport. The entrance is huge and welcoming. Immigration used to be a smelly, sticky, and poorly air conditioned room. Now, it feels like the lobby of a international 5-star hotel.
  2. Trains. They remain the same. The bathrooms are disgusting at stations, and in the trains themselves. The coaches have not visibly improved in the last 30 years. The conductor asked us for an increase in fare after we had already purchased the ticket. I felt like he was leveraging his authority to extract a few more Rupees from us. I did not have the energy to protest.
  3. Inflation. It costs us Rs. 600 ($10) for the porter. Perhaps we didn't bargain well. Lunches cost us Rs. 800 per person in Chennai, and were ordinary by most standards. These prices are just plain unaffordable by the Indian middle class.
  4. Mobile devices. We used Google Maps on a smart phone to find a local restaurant that the auto rickshaw driver did not know how to locate in Chennai. This is a harbinger.
  5. Corruption. Police in Bangalore do not seem to be taking bribes. Things are computerized, so people pay the fines as expected.
  6. Pollution. Garbage pickup exists, but citizens have terrible aim. The garbage lands somewhere within a 200 yard radius of the bins. This problem was there in 2010, and still there in 2014. Gandhinagar is getting more polluted, although Ahmedabad and Chennai are cleaner. 
  7. Public facilities. There is lack of good public toilets, the same as it was in 2010.
  8. Bureaucracy. Getting a VISA on time was near impossible. Another story for another post at another time. The outsourcing arm of the embassy, Cox and Kings, are imbeciles.

Overall, I am optimistic. Although the public sector is static, a free-er economy combined with technology is helping India inch forward.


People measure success along many dimensions in their professional and personal lives.

  • How much money do you make ?
  • How many people do you manage ?
  • What's your title ?
  • How many papers have you published ?
  • How long have you been married ?
  • How many children do you have ?
  • How big is your home ?

and so on.

For me, success isn't measured by any of these. Rather, success is measured the stories that I can tell. 

I try and take decisions everyday with this in mind.

Modi's High Expectations

Narendra Modi is now the prime minister of India.

Modi has yet to address his critics that implicate him in turning a blind eye to the atrocities of 2002. In addition, he is lauded for driving economic growth in his home state, Gujarat, over the past decade by ferreting out government corruption.

I am convinced, as is a significant fraction of the human population, that we are at cusp of dramatic changes for India.

We will either experience unprecedented growth and prosperity or unprecedented calamity. I hope it's the former, and this time, I hope not to watch from the sidelines.

Mindy Kaling is my hero, but ...

Mindy is the star of The Mindy Project. It's the funniest show on TV today. Or, should I say funniest show on Hulu, because since I started watching with Hulu, I lost track of what is and isn't TV anymore.

She's got wit --- that's rare.

She's my hero because she's breaking all barriers and taboos with success. She's Indian, in real-life and on TV. She's Hindu, in real-life and on TV.  She's a female comedy star. She's plus sized. She drinks. She eats. She has boyfriends, with an 's'.  All in real-life and on TV.

I admire her in many ways. But, as a father of three witty, Indian, Hindu girls growing up in the US, I have to ask. Mindy, do you really have to kiss so many boys, and must you do it on TV ?

Welcome to my musings.

I am a father, a husband, a techie, a data nut, and an amateur philosopher. 

I have so many thoughts and observations that derive from daily life. These crisp idea nuggets sit in my head and often wither away in a few days, before I really get a chance to share them. So, instead, I thought I'd put them in a place that I can return to and a place where others can go.

So here it is. I hope you enjoy it.